When it feels like make-up might save your life

I had an interesting conversation with a private client recently who joked about how she dresses up for her consultant appointments. As the conversation unfolded some deeper truths came to light about what was behind that.

This is a woman in mid-life who is normally confident and assertive and very comfortable in no make-up and chooses her clothes more based on function and comfort than the demands of fashion. In other words, someone who is usually not overly concerned with other people’s opinions on her appearance. And yet for her appointments with her oncology consultant she wears her more fancy clothes and does her hair and make-up. Her jokiness about it was that she was fully aware that this is not how she normally presents herself to the world.

So what was it about? A matter of life and death as it turns out.

When somebody is seen as having (and may actually have) the power to determine whether you live or not, their perception of you really matters. Experiencing cancer can be both traumatic and disempowering. Patients feel their life is in the hands of the doctors and, unless they are also an oncologist, it can be hard to advocate for yourself or know what treatments are best or suitable in your case. There is a lot of trust required that they will do their best for you and part of that trust is built on feeling as though they see you as a real person with a life worth fighting for. Dressing up for her appointments was something she could do for herself to show that she wasn’t giving up, that she was doing what she could to take care of herself and to build a relationship with her doctor where there was a genuine human connection, and she could be seen as a whole person with a full life not just a diagnosis.

I do believe the vast majority of doctors do their best for every patient in terms of treatment. But part of the overall success of treatment comes from having faith in your medical team and the treatment being prescribed. Without that, the levels of fear, tension and anxiety make the whole process that much more difficult to bear and sometimes may mean people decide against the treatment being offered or seek out other medications privately.

Until this conversation this aspect of the doctor patient relationship wasn’t something I had consciously considered before, and it made me reflect on our role as yoga teachers. Obviously, we are not in the position of determining their medical treatment, but we can play a role in helping people feel seen and heard as unique individuals, and to offer a space where they do not feel alone or isolated. We too need to build trust with our students, without that the full benefits of a yoga class will be missed.

With trust we create a safe setting where people can share and process their emotions, pause and breathe well to help give some perspective and reduce anxiety. Our classes can also help to build confidence and self-esteem through positive reinforcement and community, and we have the opportunity to encourage people to advocate for themselves or signpost to other support. Through these ways and others, we are able to support people through their treatment and beyond to experience the fullness of their life again.